M.I.A

Wow…I miss wordpress even though it is always here. I am just “busy” (lazy) 🙂 so I am fighting the “busyness” (is that even a word?) and I will TRY to post more often. THANK YOU to all my subscribers for the continued love and support. While I was away on my “busy” break I received a few nominations so I will do a post on that shortly. Even though I was “busy” I was working on my writing (short stories and a novel that isn’t going anywhere). I can’t stop write and when I am not writing I am thinking about writing. So for now, I leave you with a new post – written quite simple to express what writing means to me.

Writing

Writing is my plant                                                     

I want to nurture it

Writing is my favourite game

I want to play it everyday

Writing is my food

it nourishes my soul

Writing is my lover

it carresses my mind

Writing is my sex

I want it to always be orgasmic

Writing is my life

I live it

Neglect

Can you believe that it has been over a YEAR since I last posted anything on my blog. WOW.  A year already. Time flies. I am sooo sorry for being away for so long and I MISS you all so much…know you missed me lots too. You can tell me about it at that big welcome back party that you are going to throw for me.

…But just in case you don’t remember me I will start by telling you a few stuff about Cj.

Here goes:

1. I think food, sex, and sleep are the gods greatest inventions.

2. I love love looovve to do absolutely NOTHING. To just be here and enjoy a moment or two with absolutely nothing to do; nothing to worry about – no emails to check, no TV to watch. Just to be here enjoying being alive. I use to think that I was just lazy until I read Eat Pray Love and saw that this is actually a mantra in Italy…”the sweetness of doing (absolutely) nothing”. Now I want to live in Italy.

3. I just completed level four Spanish and all I seem to know is the word “muy”. So now,  whenever I eat something and it is sinfully divine, I say ” Mmmmm, that was muy muy “.

4. I love to call my boyfriend my Lovvver. That is when I do have a bf. Lover sounds mysterious and sexy.

5. I have been trying to lose 10 pounds forever. I am failing miserable at this so I keep renaming my weight-loss mission. First it was “Mission Summer Body”. But then I  got fatter. I don’t know who goes on a diet and gain weight. Since I didn’t achieved getting the summer body I changed it to “Mission Fat Be Gone By Fall”. Didn’t happen so now it is “Mission Winter Freeze That Fat.” Well I am just a bit dramatic. It is actually “Summer” all year round in Jamaica so I could stick to “Mission Summer Body”. But a little drama makes life more intriguing. Will tell you if I ever get around to losing the 10lbs. Otherwise I will leave it at Mission Impossible.

So there we go. Cj’s 101. Drop me a line and tell me a few weird stuff about yourself.

Harnew – thanks for checking in. You actually nudge me out of hibernation. Thanks and HUGS.

XOXO ~CJ ©

You know you hate your job when…

TOP 5 things that make you know that you hate your job:

• You check off ✓ all the public holidays on your calendar… and you make special note of the ones that will fall on a Monday. Because. What is even better than a public holiday? That is correct. A public holiday that falls on a Monday. Mondays at the office strangles the life out of you. So yayyyy to Mondays off.

• The breaking news announces that a natural disaster is heading your way. You are smiling inwardly because you know that this means a day or two away from work. Sometimes you catch up with yourself and realize that you wishing for heavy rains, snow storms, hurricane (just so that you can get a day away from work) is a shameful thing.  (shame face)

• You secretly hope that you get sick – (not “sick sick”) – just sick enough so that you don’t have to go to work (shame face again)

• You check your watch “literally” every 30 minutes. Except 30 minutes translates to 5 minutes. Yup – times stretches out like a long dusty road when you are at work. This is how it works – lets say you look at your watch at 9 am. You then promise yourself that you will not look at it again for the next 1/2 hour. So you wait and you wait and you wait. Forever. Then when you’ve waited long enough (in your head, about thirty minutes) you look at your watch again only to realise that it is only 9:05am. Yup. Only five minutes passed. Bummer.

• Your co-worker goes off on maternity leave and you start to get ideas. Hmmmmm? wonder if my boo is ready to start making babies? Even though the notion of getting preggers scares the hell out of you. Click here to read ‘OMG!!! Did the condom burst?’

 

I am not even saying that this post is about me…no way. I loooove my job. And stop giving me that judgmental look. I know you didn’t detect any sarcasm in my tone. Anyway, if that was me then I would know that it is time to find a job that is more fulfilling.

With that said, if you were able to relate to two or more of the above then HINT HINT.

Thanks for stopping by and reading. Now click like, comment, and subscribe and that is an order :-)…Pwetty Pweeeeseeee.

XOXO ~CJ ©

Instincts

Our instincts are our experiences.

Our instincts are the stories that we hear.

Our instincts are natural.

Our instincts are animalistic – raw and untamed.

Trust them.

ANGER? What anger?

So I woke up this morning to the most beautiful day ever. I was on the bus writing and just basking in the joy of being alive. I arrived at work and took a few minutes to enjoy my delicious ham sandwich, chewing slowing to savour every bite. Then I ate my banana and tangerine (a citrus fruit, similar to orange but sweeter, not as round, and with soft skin that you peel with your fingers). As I bite into the soft fruit, I felt the fat juicy pulps bursting and spraying sweet citrus liquid into my mouth and down my throat. All I could think was – MMmmmm…there must be a god. Absolutely NOTHING could ruin my day.

Record scratching

Or so I thought.

I am at work alrighty. It is the gods’ design that I should not enjoy a single day at this place. I consider it perpetual punishment for not pursuing my passion. Until I do, the gods will send me beautiful mornings then ruin it with instant “day-mare” like these (which I will not disclose since it is about my work) that will send my happiness spiralling to the ground and splintering like broken glasses into a million tiny pieces. My first reaction to the situation was ANGER. Normally I would want to do any of the following.

1. Storm into my boss’ office and tell her to go (fill in the blanks) _ _ _ _ herself and _ _ _ _ this job that I don’t need (except I do)
2. Run to the bathroom and scream, break things and cry. NO. Cry is an understatement. BAWL.
3.  Roll over and die in self-pity – sit and let the anger transform slowing into an ocean of depression then dive deeply and drown into its bitterly cold water of self-pity and regrets. Why didn’t I study something else at university? Why didn’t I try harder to find another job? Why didn’t I pursue writing…why, why, whyyyyyyy???

Yes, the above all seem like ideal ways to deal with my anger but I learnt quickly that when I approach anger with any of the above it takes a longer time to put my million pieces of broken happiness together. So now I share my five ways to deal with anger:

1. Vent…you have to get rid of the steam. Otherwise, it is difficult to move on to the next steps. Find a way to vent. I have a “go to” person. My sweet boyfriend (thank god he finds me sexy when I am angry – awwwww!!). So I call him and curse for a good five minutes. (If I can’t get through to him then we are always signed in on instant messenger so I will drum my fingertips hard on the keyboard trying to get all my feelings out. I know he will read it when he returns.) If you do not have a “go to” person then you can also keep a book and write all your feelings down in the moment. Just find a way to get the anger out of you by expressing it in words whether written or spoken. You will be surprised at how light you feel after you vent.

2. Make a plan that you can look forward to. For me, it’s pursuing a Masters in Creative Writing. I haven’t start as yet. It is just my plan to do so and now it is something that I can look forward to with pleasure. So yes, I have a little bump in my day that almost stole my joy, but so what? I transport myself to the future when I am sitting in my creative writing workshop and Voila!! I am in a world of utter bliss again.  No one can enter my mind and steal my joy.

3. Surround yourself with quotes, cartoons, or anything that brings you a sense of joy. You need to keep these in close proximity so you can always see/read it. For me, I have a sticker from Island Company (that I made my mantra) and a cartoon pasted on my cubicle above my monitor. I can see it every time I look up. The Island Company sticker was given to me by my mentor. It says:

• Quit your job
• Buy a ticket
• Get a tan
• Fall in love
• Never return

Well I already have two of the above ticked off – I am inherently tanned and I am already in love. So I focus on the other three MY MANTRA…Quit my job, buy a ticket and never return. Also, my cartoon shows a scared kid lying on a bed. He is under a sheet that is pulled half way over his face. It says “I see dumb people”. Whenever anyone at work annoys me, I picture them as the dumb person that the kid is hiding from and then I burst out laughing. Just like that I feel good again.

4. This point is similar to my third tip but it ties with the notion that laughter frees the soul. It really does. So you need to have at least one funny YouTube video that makes you laugh vigorously and endlessly. Another condition is that you cannot get tired of watching the video. I have two:

1. Fat Kid on a Rollercoaster
2. Charlie Bit my Finger

OMG every time I watch these videos I literally want to be ‘ROFL’ (rolling on floor laughing). So I watch these videos when my day threatens to bring me a storm called anger. My two videos may not be the funniest thing in world to you because different things make different people laugh. Find yours and watch it when you are angry or sad. Your day will return to pure bliss.

5. Finally, if you do not know this part of the serenity prayer then here it is. Study it and know it by heart:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

People remember that there are situation that you can control (things that you can change). Focus your thoughts and energy on those things to make a difference in your life. But there are also situations that you do not have any control of. There is nothing at all that you can do within your power to change these things. Anger is a natural part of being human but most times, we are angry at the things that we simply cannot control.  So what if the rain is falling and you had to change your plans? Can you stop the rain from falling? So what if your boss is a @itch? Can you change his/her personality?  Anger utilizes a lot of energy so you would waste all that energy focusing on a situation that you cannot change. When you are faced with situations like these whisper the serenity prayer to yourself as much time as it takes to get you calm and you will be wise to know and accept that there are things you can change as well as things that you can’t.

~Tips from my now peaceful soul to yours. Hope you enjoyed!!

XOXO ~CJ ©

 

LEARN HOW TO DIE (Part 3 and Final)

What will happen to us when we die?

There are many projections out there about what happens to us when we die.

Life after Death - Soul?

Some are comforting. Some are not. However, even with the most reassuring explanations of the after-life, we sometimes become fearful of the thought of being ‘somebody’ today and ‘nobody’ tomorrow. There is something cold about the words demise, extinction, end, termination – words that are all used to describe death.

Elizabeth Lesser in her book Broken Open (How Difficult Times Can Help us Grow) explained the teachings of a Vietnamese Zen monk, named Thich Nhat Hanh, which can be considered quite useful. His teachings suggest that our fear of death is locked in the notions that we have about life and death. That is, we were ‘no-one’ before we entered this world, but then we are born and become ‘someone’. We then die and suddenly we are ‘no-one’ AGAIN. This he said is the basis of our fear – how can we exist today and then cease to exist tomorrow? He teaches that we will be less fearful if we view life and death as “Rien ne se cree, rien ne se perd” meaning ‘nothing is born, nothing can die.’

In other words, we were not ‘nothing’ before we came into this world. Yes, we celebrate our birthday as the day we were born but we were conceived approximately nine months prior to that. We even existed prior to our conception – in our mothers, in our fathers, and even in our ancestors. How then could we be ‘nothing’ before our birth? In the same breath, when we die we cannot be ‘nothing’. Our ‘self’, Thich Nhat Hanh explained, is made up of non-self elements. We are our ideas, our actions, what we say, what we do. When we die we leave a part of ourselves with the people we love, that we interacted with, that we taught. We leave a part of ourselves with the people whose lives we touched. Based on this, we were ‘something’ (or if you prefer, someone) before we entered this world and we remain ‘something’ after we exit.

How do you want to be remembered?

We need not underestimate the significance of living a good life. Many people spend their time on earth being what I call ‘breakers of spirit’ when they could be ‘makers of spirit’. A lot of people spend their life on earth building relations that hurt instead of relations that heal.

“Once you learn how to die, you learn how to live.” As we enter this life through the initiation of birth so we will exit with the farewell of death. How do you want to live today if you had knowledge that tomorrow you will die? How would you want to be remembered if your continuation on earth is the memories that other people have of you?

Click here to read Part 1

Click here to read Part 2

XOXO ~CJ ©

DON’T STOP!!

I apologize for my delinquency for neglecting to update my blog in well past a month. I guess I was a bit discouraged with my statistics :-(. However, I was watching one of Oprah’s Life classes and she said something that totally slapped me back to reality (back to what is true). She said something to this effect: if writing is your passion, then it shouldn’t matter if FIVE people are reading what you write or FIVE million.

I believe that this can be applied to anything you are passionate about doing. Therefore, if you started your blog because you are passionate about fashion then don’t stop because you got ZERO views on some days. Just continue to do what you love to do and remember that true success never comes overnight.

DON’T STOP.

XOXO ~CJ ©

LEARN HOW TO DIE (Part 2)

When will we die? How will we die?

 What if the persons who are told that they have a fatal illness and are given six months to live are actually very lucky and do not know it? What if they are lucky because they do not fall into the category of people who left their homes without saying a simple ‘I love you’ to their love ones. They never returned home because they died a sudden death.

We are often times consumed with a gripping fear about what our mode of exit from this earth is going to be. Whenever I speak to some people about death they express fear of dying a sudden death (such as, dying in an accident). Yet there are some people who fear the thought of knowing when they are going to die (such as, suffering from an incurable disease). However, most people seem more comforted by the latter – having knowledge that they are going to die rather than the thought of dying suddenly.

I believe that the justification for choosing knowledge of one’s death stems from a fear of the “uncertain”.  As human beings we like to know what is going to happen next and as such, we spend a great deal planning ahead. In this age of technology we have a lot of gadgets at our fingertips to help us with planning ahead – we are so obsessed with planning our next move that even our phones are equipped with a “to-do” list.

No wonder we fear dying a sudden death. Even though the thought of death is scary there is just some comfort in knowing.  If we know that we are going to die then we can plan our last days to be just the way we would like it. We would be nicer to our neighbors. We would take the vacation that we always wanted to take but never seem to have the time. We would tell the people we love how much they are loved. We would work unremittingly to accomplish at least one of our many goals. It is very ironic that we would start to live if we know that we are going to die.

So why wait? Why should we wait until we are given an expiration date to start living? “Once you learn how to die, you  learn how to live.”  It is only through accepting that life and death goes hand in hand that we realize the true meaning of life. Having life is an opportunity to not only do the big things but also the little things that we so often take for granted. Having life is an opportunity to be the best you. Having life is an opportunity to not just dream- but to be.

Click here to read Part 1

Click here to read Part 3 and Final

XOXO ~CJ ©

LEARN HOW TO DIE (Part 1)

I came across a quote while surfing the internet. It said “once you learn how to die, you learn how to live.” I didn’t quite understand the magnitude of the statement. I kept asking myself – how can anyone learn how to die? and what purpose would it serve? The thought of dying only makes me depress and sometimes bring me to a state of absolute panic. I quickly realized that I was not the only one who feared the lingering shadow of death. The majority of us fears death. We have different reasons why we fear death. Death separates us from our ambitions; we do not know when and how we will die; and we really do not know or understand what will happen to us when we die.

Why do we fear Death? (Death and Ambition)

We all have an ideal self that we beg to come in contact with. The only chance that we have of connecting with our ideal self is through long life and good health. Ambition is hope to be more than what we are today; the desire to achieve more. Whenever we think about death we may become fearful and panicky because death can rip us suddenly from our desires to be more. Even with this knowledge, we remain inactive when it comes to chasing our dreams. Often times we procrastinate as if we are certain that we will live to see tomorrow, next week, or next year. Other times, we are so busy just trying to be successful in our current position because we believe that any form of success will bring us happiness. This may not be the case if the success that we pursue is not the truest desire of the heart.  As Stephen Covey warns in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, “be sure that, as you scramble up the ladder of success, it is leaning against the right building.”

“Once you learn how to die, you learn how to live.” If we embrace our

nicoescochi.deviantart.com

mortality we will view each day as an opportunity to pursue our dreams. If we embrace our mortality we may not be fearful that death separates us from our ambitions. Rather we will be appreciative that we have the gift of life to pursue our dreams. When we learn how to die we embrace life. “Living” is when we transform our thoughts into action. “Living” is when we stop saying and start doing. We must all “do” today so that if we die tomorrow we can say we lived today.

Click here to read Part 2

Click here to read Part 3

XOXO ~CJ ©

Not MAD about you (or am I?)

You feel the itchy tingling burn and flicker your tongue over the spot where the strange burning emanates. You feel it slowly taking shape. You think. Oh FRACK!! Not again. You run to the mirror knowing completely well that the tiny blisters are barely visible. In fact, they are so tiny that if you told anyone that you have it, they will be pointing to your forehead and saying “Oh there. I see it” and you will reply, “stop lying Dumbo. It is not on my forehead. It is on my lips.” But you also know that in a few hours there will be no mistake as to where it truly is. Those hideous blisters will be shouting at everyone. HERE I AM. If it was going on a blind date then it would text the other person this description of itself: “You will find me sitting comfortably on Cj’s upper lip. I look like a smaller UGLIER version of Lady Gaga’s bubble dress. (Actually, I was the inspiration for that design. Just thought you should know). Anyways, YOU CAN’T MISS ME. I am a Cold Sore.” Of course the date wouldn’t show.

I hate cold sores. I hate seeing them on others but at least then I can think better you than me. I hate seeing them on myself.  Everything about a cold sore is annoying – FROM the confused pain that cannot decide if it is an itch, a tingle, or a burn TO the confident way it perch on the most obvious part of the body – my LIPS. You would think that since cold sores are so ugly, they would choose a more inconspicuous location to form their hideous blisters. But these ugly attention seekers would not have it that way. In fact, if cold sores were humans they would be the Flava Flavs of this world – ugly and loves attention. They would be rocking grills on their teeth, ugly ass glasses and a clock around the neck AND they would be daring enough to call it personal style.

Cold sores pop in and out of my life like zits and likewise, choose the most inconvenient times to visit. But what is also irritating is the way they worm their way into my mind and unleash sudden dosages of paranoia.  My life becomes all about the cold sore for however long it chooses to stay when it visits. I have this constant and annoying urge to stare at it in the mirror as if somehow I can stare it away. But would the stubborn blisters disappear? Nooooooo. That would never happen – cold sores bloom in the face of attention. The huge cluster of pimple-like blisters swells and pains, then it oozes liquid that crusts around the blisters making it even uglier in appearance. If someone even glances at me when I have a cold sore I feel like they are checking out all this groseness on my lips.

What I hate the most about having cold sores are the dreaded conversations. Someone oblivious to the world of cold sores is bound to ask – “what is that on your lip?” and I will refrain from shouting “I accidentally bit my lip and it formed these ugly blisters” OR “I don’t know, probably that portion of my lip is allergic to coffee.” Instead, I reply as politely as I can “it is a cold sore.”  The conversation will end with them saying something about never getting them and me thinking “I hope you get one RIGHT AWAY so that you can stop asking me these stupid questions about how I feel when I get them.” My thoughts would continue with “Oh I feel absolutely awesome and I feel even better now that you are staring at my lips like there is an alien on it.” Oh I forgot there is an alien on it.

Oh well, for the lucky people who never get a cold sore – GO YOU. For me…I will send out an appeal to some of my favourite people – Scientific Researchers. It would go something like this: For heaven sakes stop wasting precious time and money on research that yields results like Ovulating women have Gaydars (the power to detect gays) and continues with the explanation that “women at their peak period of fertility are far more accurate than non-ovulaters at sussing out who is gay and who is not just by looking at a man’s face (Time HealthLand).” Wow. Are you kidding me? I guess all those women who got married to men who later announced that they are gays are the selected few who didn’t ovulate. (Puzzled look). Hmmm…wonder how they had children?  Then you wonder why people do not appreciate your work. You need to just stop and go try doing something worthwhile like finding the darn cure for cold sores…one that will get rid of them FOREVER. I am sure that if you are successful you will have a happy bunch of followers, including myself, who will think you are heroes.

Now Scientific Researchers – that is an idea. No more nerd status. You know you want to feel like a rock star and you know what – I would be your number one groupie.

XOXO ~CJ ©

http://healthland.time.com/2011/06/24/is-he-gay-ovulating-women-can-tell/